Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
