so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
