david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Is it because I queefed?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
