So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
