the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
tell me about the eggs
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
