...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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