i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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