i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
this beer tastes like vomit already
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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