Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
