so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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