Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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