i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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