John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize