just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you would pick up someone in the library
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
