OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
