Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
