i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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