my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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