Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
