rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
