So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize