His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
