you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
