is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
