I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize