The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
