just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
