Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
