I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
