Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
