I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My cat gives me a boner
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
