Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
