Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
