Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
