Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
