Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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