He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
