she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize