Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
