DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
