So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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