omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think your dad took our porno
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
