You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
