take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
