I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
