I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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