And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
