bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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