either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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