dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I am one with the molecules
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
