How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
