Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
