Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
