dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize