never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize