The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
