I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
