Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
