He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
