as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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