I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
