Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Your dad touched me again.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
