so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
