new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
