The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
