I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
