2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I think I just sharted jello shots
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize