Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm way too hungover for life right now
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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