haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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