I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
