so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
