I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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