No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
